New Stories
by Aislinn Carter
Summary: Kathryn and Chakotay have a long overdue conversation after tragedy strikes. Post-Endgame. J/C


Just a little something I came up with last night.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but student loan debt...Paramount is more than welcome to it.

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Kathryn stared at the neonatal unit

Kathryn stared at the neonatal unit.

And stared.

And stared.

She didn't blink, didn't move. She just stood there, her arms folded across her chest, staring at the tiny unit in the antiseptic room in the cold hospital.

It was how he had found her, and he was reluctant to interrupt. She was staring hard at the unit, at the too-young infant laying there, hooked up to tubes and monitors and lifelines. He couldn't live on his own. Chakotay wondered at the wisdom of making him.

"What do you think?" he finally said.

She turned to stare at him now, her blue eyes almost penetrating him, holding his gaze with their magnetic pull. She blinked. "He's very small. Too small."

"I know."

She turned back to gaze at the little baby, her expression no longer blank, but tinged with sadness. "It's hard to believe something so small and innocent took a life."

Chakotay cringed. He could almost think Kathryn was taking his wife's death harder than she was. Certainly, he couldn't blame his son for what had happened. But it seemed Kathryn could.

"It's my fault, not his. She didn't want children. I pushed. If you want to blame someone, blame me."

"You don't sound as upset as I thought you would."

"We weren't happy."

This took her attention away from the baby. "Weren't happy? Why, because of the baby?"

"No. The baby was a last ditch effort to save our marriage. Even if she had lived, it wouldn't have mattered. Our marriage was over."

She stared at him. "What do you mean? She never mentioned…"

"She didn't want to burden you, and neither did I." He stepped closer to her and looked in on the baby. "I wish you hadn't kept sending us back to each other, Kathryn. We weren't meant to be. I know you meant well, but every time you convinced either her or me to give it another shot, it just prolonged the inevitable."

Kathryn shook her head violently. "No. No, you were married in the other timeline. The admiral said…"

"Oh, who cares what a batty old admiral from a decimated timeline said?" Chakotay said flatly. "Maybe on Voyager, where we were consumed with our jobs half the time and under attack the other half, we might have had a shot. We wouldn't have had time to think about what was wrong in our marriage. Besides, the admiral never said we were happy. She just said we were married. Married is not synonymous with happy."

Kathryn's face seemed to fall. "But I…I was so sure…"

"So sure of what? That by practically shackling us to each other you were ensuring our happiness? That by sacrificing your own you were doing the right thing?"

"What are you talking about, sacrificing my happiness?" she asked softly.

He reached out and squeezed her hand. "I've had a lot of time to think. A _lot_. She never said as much, but I think she knew I still cared for you, very much. More than was appropriate, really. And it made me feel guilty. You were insistent on she and I being together. Every time I tried to bring up the subject of us, you would change it." He gestured to the infant. "It looks like fate has taken care of things for us."

"That's a _terrible_…"

He held up a hand to silence her. "I would never have wished this, Kathryn. But it happened. She's gone, and even if she weren't, we could no longer be together. I moved out last week. I just couldn't…we were arguing all the time. She didn't want him. I didn't stop to think of how ill being pregnant might have made her. I didn't stop to think that she might be in pain. For that, I will always be guilty." He glanced at the baby again. "But this little guy didn't ask for any of this. He came into this world never asking…" he trailed off as tears pricked his eyes. Kathryn rubbed his arm sympathetically.

"I'm sorry things were so bad between you two," she whispered.

"I'm sorry I insisted we have a baby," he whispered back. "I don't regret him, but I regret that I forced him on his mother, and that he'll never know her."

"He'll know her through us."

"Of course." He wiped a tear from his cheek, clearing his throat.

"We won't let her be forgotten," Kathryn said firmly. "I loved her very much."

"I loved her…in my own way. But not the way I should have." He turned his head back to Kathryn, looking her straight in the eye. "I didn't love her the way I love you."

She drew in a sharp breath. "Chakotay…your wife has just died…this is very inappropriate…"

"It's always something, some reason. Some obstacle. You're the captain, I'm the commander. You're Starfleet, I'm Maquis. Your future self came back, and I'm going to be married. You love her, so should I. I let you convince me of a love I didn't truly feel. I still can't believe I let you do that. Well, there are no more obstacles, Kathryn. It's about time you faced up to your feelings and to what is between us, and always has been, and always will be." Sorrow flickered across his features. "Not right this moment. I'm not heartless. I did love her, like I said. I will have to…mourn her. But after I do, after I've let myself heal and after you have healed as well, we're going to settle this thing between us, once and for all."

She smiled faintly. "Is that an order?"

"It's a challenge. One I hope you'll take."

She took a deep breath. "I never could run from a challenge."

He entwined his fingers with hers and they turned back to look at his son. His tiny little boy, born three months early to a mother whose implants simply wouldn't allow him residence in her body and a father who perhaps had asked too much of a wife whom he thought was strong, but in many ways had been too weak. He raised his free hand to place on the glass separating them, and sighed deeply. "Anakin will need a mother. And a happy father."

"Anakin?"

Chakotay shrugged. "I think she would have loved him, if she had given herself the chance. He should know that. His name will be a reminder."

Kathryn nodded. "He should know her. He _will_ know her. I'll be there to tell him all about her. I think you're right. She never seemed too thrilled about having a child, but I think she would have loved him."

"Would have, could have, should have…" Chakotay shook his head ruefully. "Story of my life."

"Well…" she graced him with one of her brilliant smiles. "I think we'll have to write a new story."

_The End_


End file.
